Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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