why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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