hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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