I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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