Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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