What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
