He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
