I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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