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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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