Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my shit smells like andre
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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