its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
