this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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