Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
