It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
