I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
