Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
