I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
