We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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