just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
