Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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