my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
