Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
