We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
