There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
