This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
