I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
