I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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