Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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