Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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