Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
