fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
