I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
