i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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