so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
