i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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