belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
