So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
