If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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