I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
