I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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