I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
