She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
