I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
