I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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