I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
