I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
