I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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