I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.