my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card