I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
