Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!