i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"