Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
