i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Can I color on your dick again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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