One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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