you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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