the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
