we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
