I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
