The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
