I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
