Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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