there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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