So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
