i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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