it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
