I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Randomize
