I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
