The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
