She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
