so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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