I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
