I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
