i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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